Bush League Times

"Bush League" is a general term used to describe an action or thing as being amateur, inferior or crude. In a literal sense, it refers to a low quality minor league, not associated with the major league teams. We at Bush League Times are all of the above.

July 10, 2008

ESPN: This Is My Wish

Posted By: Jay

I give up, I don't know what to say anymore about ESPN. I can't quite figure out when it happened but this network is a joke. I used to always go to ESPN to get my sports information, if I was at home it was on. It didn't matter that I could watch the same episode of Sports Center from 10 p.m. until 11 a.m. the next morning, it was sports goddammit. Somewhere along the way they got sidetracked. The show is still an hour long but they only cover sports for about 20 minutes. After they spend the first 17 minutes discussing the Red Sox and Yankees, that leaves 3 minutes of coverage for the rest of the country. The rest of the show is filled with shit like this.

My Wish: At the risk of sounding like a heartless bastard, I don't turn on Sports Center to watch ESPN's very own Angel of Death, Chris Connelly. How did Chris Connelly get this job in the first place? He used to be the host of the unwatchable 'Unscripted with Chris Connelly' when ESPN tried to make him the second coming of Roy Firestone. He disappeared for a little while only to be found at the occasional spelling bee interviewing the kids who just lost (again, Angel of Death) and now this. There are three things in life I have learned from watching TV over the years that I would like to share with you.

1. If Angela Lansbury ever shows up in your town I suggest you leave immediately. If you ever watched 'Murder She Wrote' then you know someone is about to die.

2. If you ever see Dennis Haysbert standing on the side of the road you better have your seatbelt on. You are about to be involved in a horrific traffic accident.

3. If Chris Connelly ever knocks on your door, hide your children.

This "series" actually does have some potential but it never comes through. Seriously, let's say you're a terminally ill 13 year-old boy and ESPN approaches you about granting you one wish. What would you wish for? Meeting Shaq, David Ortiz or Drew Brees? Hell no! You should go for this.

But alas, we are always disappointed. This year, some kid actually wished to meet Smarty Jones. A fucking racehorse? If I'm an ESPN producer and the kid wants to meet a damn horse then I set him up with this:

Titletown: Does ESPN think they are fooling anyone by running a "contest" for which city deserves to be called "Titletown?" Isn't this just an excuse to cram more things Boston down our collective throats? Am I the only one who sees through this? Look, I am in no way a fan of anything Green Bay but the name "Titletown" is theirs. I don't give a rat's ass what ESPN or anyone says, Titletown is Green Bay, Wisconsin. They came up with it, they marketed it and now ESPN is stripping them of it. Have you seen the list of "contenders" for the title? Feast your eyes on this list:

July 4 Green Bay, Wis.
July 5 Lawrence, Kan.
July 6 Pittsburgh
July 7 Knoxville, Tenn.
July 8 Chapel Hill, N.C.
July 9 Los Angeles
July 10 Palo Alto, Calif.
July 11 Louisville, Ky.
July 12 Chicago
July 13 Boston
July 14 Gainesville, Fla.
July 15 New York
July 16 Valdosta, Ga.
July 17 Detroit
July 18 San Francisco
July 19 Williamsport, Pa.
July 20 Ann Arbor, Mich.
July 21 Columbus, Ohio
July 22 Parkersburg, W.V.
July 23 Massillon, Ohio

I'm sorry but it's rigged and they know it. As a group, sports fans have a short memory. Ask the average sports fan which Super Bowl was the best ever and they will tell you it was the Giants vs. the Patriots. Ask them what was the best NCAA Championship Basketball game and they will tell you it was Memphis vs. Kansas. Ask them which city is the best sports city and they will now tell you Boston. If you lived in Green Bay, and you hadn't already killed yourself because you lived in Green Bay, how could you not start a contest to see which network should be called "The Worldwide Leader in Sports?"

I don't need this crap. I don't want wishes, Titletown, Budweiser hot seats, Coors cold hard questions, fact or fiction or good call/bad call. I don't need to know who's now, see 50 states in 50 days or have any interest in the Sklar brothers brackets. All I need are some scores and highlights. Is that too much to wish for?